Isang Basong KAPE

Bumaba si Victor sa kanyang sasakyan.

Tahimik. Tila hindi ito nasa Cubao. Tumingin siya sa kanyang relo, 2:53am.

Ano nga ba ang ginagawa niya sa lugar na ito? Kilala ko si Victor at ni minsan di siya na padpad sa lugar ng Cubao sa dis oras ng gabi. Ah! Alam ko na. Gusto niyang takasaan ang kanyang problem. Pagod na ito sa paulit-ulit na pag iisip sa mga taong nag pa-asa lang sa kanya. Para siyang ginamit at higit sa lahat nawalan pa ito ng trabaho. Gusto niyang makalimot kahit sandali lang.

Pinadpad ng aking kaibigan ang lugar. Maya-maya'y unti-unti na niyang naririnig ang mga tugtugan sa mga bar. Hindi ito huminto. Alam niya kung saan siya pupunta. Nagpatuloy siyang naglakad at wala itong paki alam kung masikip, madumi at madilim ang kanyang dinaraanan hanggang may humarang sa kayang harapan.

“Kuya tara na. Kahit pang kape lang. Makaraos lang” isang malambing na sambit ng babae

Napatingin si Victor sa kanya. Maganda. Bata. At kung tutuusin ay hindi lang kape ang katumbas nang mapupula nitong labi.

Dahan-dahang tinangal ni Victor ang kamay ng babae sa kanyang braso. Gumiti. Patuloy siyang naglakad at ‘di na muli lumingon.

Kina umagahan,

Gumising si Victor sa mali na namang kwarto. Sinulyapan siya ang kanyang katabi. Tulog.

Bigla nitong naisip ang babae kagabi.

Walang panghuhusga ngunit nag iwan ito ng malaking tanong.

Magkano ba ang halaga para makalimot, makatakas at makaraos?

Isang Basong Kape?

Istranghero sa BGC

Alas dose ng gabi.

Naalimpungatan ako sa katahimikan. Biglang nabuhay ang aking diwa. Ilang minuto 'ding patuloy kong nilalaro ang aking paningin sa madilim na kisame hanggang na isipan kong bumangon at sumilip sa bintana. Tahinik. May mga iilang residenteng naglalakad gabay ang mga naglalakihang poste sa gilid ng daan hanggang 'di nag tagal ay bigla akong nakadama ng kalungkutan. Bumalik ako sa aking higaan para di ako tuluyang lamunin ng aking panglaw pero sawi akong makuha ang aking pagtulog kaya muli akong bumangon at lumabas.

Maglakad ako kahit 'di sigurado sa aking paroroon. Sa aking paglayo mula sa aking tinitirhan ay nakita ko kung gaano kayapa sa labas na kahit ang mahiwagang buwan ay tila nakasilip lamang sa akin. 

BGC isang karatula ang tumambad sa akin. Hindi ako naliligaw ngunit 'di ko alam kung sakop parin ako ng lugar ng Makati o ako'y nasa dako na ng Taguig dahil sa patuloy itong pinag aagawan ng dalawang lunsod. Madilim ang lugar, payapa. Tanging ang mga barikada lamang sa bakanteng lote ang naka hanay para sa mga bagong Condo na ipapatayo doon. 

Umupo ako. Nag muni-muni hangang may biglang humawak sa aking kaliwang binti. Napa tingin ako, isang lalaking nasa kwarenta na ang edad ang biglang nag kisap mata sa akin sabay ngiti nito. Nagulat ako sa inasta ng matanda kaya bigla akong tumayo at lumayo.

"kanina pa yan" isang tinig ang aking narinig habang ako'y naglalakad

Isang lalaki ang nag salita mula sa kanyang kina uupuan.

Nakatingin siya sa akin. Kahit madilim ang lugar ay na aalinag ko ang kanyang mukha. Bata pa siya. ka edaran ko siguro. Umupo ako sa kabilang dulo ng kayang bench na kinalalagyan at  mula doon ay mas nakita ko ang kanyang imahe. Isang lalaking matangos ang ilong, singkit ang mata at may berdeng brace sa ngipin nito. Madali ko siyang napalagayan ng loob. Hindi ko alam kung paano kami nag umpisang nag usap ngunit ang pag kakatanda ko lang ay sabay naming tinatawanan at pinag uusapan ang mga tao sa paligid na pabalik balik sa lugar habang saklob sila ng dilim. Mga Adan na animoy mga langgam na pag katapos kausapin saglit ang isa ay aalis ito at pupupuntahan naman ang nakatayong mama sa kabila. sa patuloy naming pag uusap ay biglang nag bago ang timpla ng boses ng aking katabi.

"Katulad ko sila" malamig na sambit nito.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. nakayuko at patuloy na nag salita.

"ngunit di ako nag hahanap ng katulad ng gusto nila. Andito ako dahil gusto kong maging totoo kahit saglit lang bago ako umuwi sa bahay. Gusto ko ng taong may makikinig sakin ."

"high school ako nung nalaman kong iba ako. Tulad nila di ko alam kung paano ako ma o-out. Unfortunately, retired soldier ang dad ko and no one in our house would actually guess that I'm queer except my mom. Alam kong alam niya peo indenial parin. She heard me before talking with my mate. You know what, Di naman mahirap being me kasi wala talaga akong balak mag out at I love the way people see me as straight guy and one thing more, I am not also fooling people around me na  nag poporma pormahan ako like a real man kasi this is the way I express myself. Everything is okay pero bigla akong pinag sakloban ng langit when I realized that I want to be a pastor. I want to preach the words of God pero paano? at sino ang maniniwala sa akin sa church if I already embraced who I am? ang hirap."

Natahimik ako sa mga sinabi niya. I really didn't know how to react that time peo I realized na he's not actually soliciting any advice from me. Gusto niya lang mag labas ng kanyang saloobin. Ngunit dahil pabida ako ay nag bigay parin ako ng short but sweet piece mula sa kaibuturan ng aking puso.

Mag aalasdose na noon. Sabay kaming tumayo at parehas na naglabas ng cell phone. Gusto ko sanang kunin ang kanyang numero at pangalan pero tila naging sapat na sa amin na kami ay naging istranghero lang isang madilim na gabi.

Umalis ako sa lugar, naglakad pabalik sa aking tinitirhan ngunit tila may naiwang tanong sa aking isipan.

"Will you lose your identity and pursue you heart's vision or 

better stick with your identity and shape-out a new goal?"

                                                                                                                -Jei Son

The Gleaming Light

Just like his fluttering cape in the sky,

I'll rise
I'll fly

'till I reach the gleaming light

            -Jei Son

#ThrowBack: College days

I was surfing the internet when I stumbled into one of my photo folders, My College life Pics.

Alakain mo 4 years na pala akong graduate at katulad ng mga pasaway ko'ng mga classmates at barkada ay ganap na kaming mga Guro (ehem).  I don't know if you agree with this but college life for me is like a liberation because it was my first time to stay far from my family and do my own stuff like washing and ironing my own uniforms, buying and cooking my own foods and washing my own dishes and off-course most of my first and flirts happened here (haha).

#ThrowBackPics

These are my pics when I was in college. ( libre manlait huwag lang sobra haha)

Meet the DBH

            DBH stands for Dolores Boarding House ang aking mga Kakosa sa loob ng bording house. Maliban sa kakosa ay ka-ututang dila din pag gabi, ka jamming pag may party, ka midnight snack pag naisipan. kasama sa umaakyat sa gate pag naabutan ng curfew, ka kutsaba sa pagtatago ng alak pag nag roronda ang Land-lady at Kaaway pag oras na ng hugasan ng pinagkainan.

Ang DBH ay hati sa tatlo:
ang DBH_BRODZ, ang mga grupo ng mga lalaki,
DBH_BRATS ang mga grupo ng mga babae,
at DBH_BRIGHT ay grupo ng mga matatalino at alam na.

BRODZ: Melvin,Leo,James,Jei Son, Miguel, Frank and Melvin. wala si Ryan sa pic nag CR hahha

BRIGHTS: Benj (Magna Cum laude), Lester (Cum Laude) and David (Science Wizard)
                 at wala jan si Davy ( the mathematician)

Inside the Center

Having a rational attributes, human has the power to picture the possible consequences of his actions and probable result of his decisions. In the same way, he has also the capability to hear and follow his core.

In our journey, however, there are tricky points in our lives that we could hardly follow our Center simply because it is not in accord to what other people want us to be. At times, It's too ironic that the reflections of our thoughts are not in the conformity of what's inside our heart. Life as what they say is simple but the environment itself makes it complicated because of its norms. And because of that measure, we limit ourselves and wave our decisions especially if we're not too confident with its potential result. That instance leads us toward internal self struggle. A battle that brings pressure to what we should consider.

                                                                                                            -Jei Son
                                                                                                                        *unedited

Of Puerto GALERA

It's post summer season but yeah this doesn't stop us to raid and dig our summer wear and sunblock and jump into the white beach of Mindoro ( langoy, langoy, langoy na parang shokoy). Okay, I'm not a travel blogger but I just want to share my pretty awesome experience in the  island.

This getaway was originally planned by our team but I ended up going not with my teamates but instead with those agents who supposed to be "sabit" only in our ally. nag backed-out sila eh, di kami nalang.

looking at the photo we are still ragged with our office clothes because we boarded on JAM bus in Buendia directly after our shift.  We arrived at Batangas Pier terminal around 01:30pm but we departed the place around 3:00pm because 3 of our colleagues were late. 

Ang Ayrte- Ayrte kasi ng GF ng office mate ko.

When the boat docked, picture picture agad. It was drizzling that time but the weather did not stop the tourists to enjoy every splash of wave in the beach. At night, I wondered because girls were wearing make ups, Whaattt? make up before swimming. okay na OA. kayo na ang ARYANA. hehehe

here's our first babad. the water is perfect. though we had drowsy eyes, all of our stress were washed out because of the reviving temperature of the sea. we had also great time laughing with stand-up commedians in the bars and drop-jaw with professional fire dancers

 

True Story: Jhun's DOODLE

 

Last weekend as I sat on a three-day seminar in our church, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about — the kind of experience that sneaks you up  unexpectedly. This was the moment my eyes nailed to one of the male delegates in our row.

  

He is Jhune. I learned it through the ID pinned in his shirt. He had nothing special though. He wore ordinary clothes, got dark color and had his obvious straggly hair but what really caught my attention to this person was his Doodle. An adult doodling inside the church?  It's aberrant.

While I was staring at him I noticed that his hand suddenly stopped from stroking. I was caught starring to a stranger.

"Hi" I smiled as my immediate excuse to my rudeness. 

"I heard na Ilokano ka, taga san ka pala?" I asked which I thought a great topic to start a conversation but he just nodded, bowed his head and resumed his doodle. Maybe he's not interested for a talk  I thought

"Taga Cagayan Valley ako" a voice sounded out besides me after a couple seconds. It was him.

"Talaga, taga Isabela ako" I smiled "kailan ka pa umalis doon?" I added but he offered no immediate response for the second time. I was displeased with the situation, loss of face. And to manage my guilt I simply diverted my attention to my notes and swore not to talk to him again but my plans repeled when he reponded.

"Lumayas ako when I was 17. The night pagkatapos akong buhusan ng kumukulong tubig ng tatay ko" that soft husky voice striked deep within my soul. I looked at him and felt sorry about what I heard.

"Oh sorry, pero un na un diba, wala ng iba." I said trying to convice myself

After saying those words, he looked at me and smiled maybe because of my silly reaction. I could hardly put in words in what I saw. He smiled yet there was a perceptable somber in his eyes.

"Pina ampon ako when I was 7, pero bumalik ako sa kanila para maramdaman ko kung saan ako nang galing pero worst binubog lang ako, sinaktan. During my birthday when I was Grade 6 tinulak ako sa ilog ng tatay ko.... But in God's grace buti nalang marunong na akong lumangoy that time" he grinned narrating his victory.

"Minsan nga" he added "sabi ng nanay ko sana namatay nalang daw ako noon. kaya tinanong ko sila kung ampon lang ba ako pero imposible kasi may kakambal ako, and I keep asking myself at times  "bakit ako ang pinag bubuntungan ng galit nila kahit kasalanan ng iba?... parang sumpa ung tingin nila sa akin" he seriously said.

Funny Short Stories about Women

Since my last two entries were very demostrative: Letter to God and Jei's love analogy I think we all deserve to paint our faces with smile. Enjoy Reading


The child and his mother:
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

Wrong email address:

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Letter To God

My Remorse and Rejoice To Thee

Lord, I remorse
for my heart within has disillusions;
Ashamed because to You I can't conceal my true color
dissimulating my feeling just to look strong.

Lord, to You I cry
for all my blunders and unwise decisions
but give me chance oh God to atone
All my defiance and transgressions

I sometimes blame you everytime I fall
Sometimes  I thought I'm deserted and abandoned
I remorse oh God. I cry.
I forgot, Your Son shouted "It is done" before He died

I pity myself Oh God
for I was clouded by my self-indulged plight;
I remember, Your Son redeemed my life
which I must celebrate it with Your unconditional love

Oh God I rejoice with the hope You give!
for during Autumn and every fall of leaves
has smell of spring for Your covenant I can live
with renewed faith rekindled with Your Spirit

Lord I exult with outstretched arms
for all the mountains of trouble in my heart
without You, I couldn't climb any of these heights
Thank you because You restored my dying life

I may too weak to fathom Your Intentions
but then again- I rejoice, exult and praise You oh Lord
Enliven my soul through Your profound words
For I must not dwell on my ordeals but to You alone

Hear my voice oh God, hear my remorse
from now on and on I celebrate my life with You with great rejoice

_______________________________________________


Short Story about this Poem

I had my first draft that tackles about my insecurities, hatreds and hostilities of life but I immediately deleted it when I attended a mass in Word for the World Church where all of the attendees are shouting with joy, raising their hands to God and singing with bliss on their faces. That time I felt certain sense of guilt knowing that I am very lucky and blessed.

Yeh It's not a winning poem but let's rejoice and ask no more questions because we are not deaf when Jesus shouted "It is Done" on His cross.

Jei's LOVE Analogy

I am not brave, I'm no Superman, I am just a coward bird.

 

It's been years since I felt affection in my heart. Time when I let myself in in a cage of love. The immeasurable happiness made me stay being trapped in this florid cell. It's because you. I am here because you my mate.

But like the rainbow in the sky, the feeling gradually grew faint and disappear. Now I'm alone and the dark clouds are getting befriend with the sky. You left me crying. Abandoned with no clear reason. I wanna sing to lessen the pain but how would I open my mouth if every note in the song is a representation of my sorrow? so tell me my mate, tell me.

I guess my left wing is a bit okay now, - quite recovered from a great fall when you left me but I keep on asking why,  Why I'm still afraid to fly?

Other birds are waiting for me to take my flight. Encouraging me to take another try.

But how could I spread my wings if I already forget how to fly?